24 septembre 2009
Anger as recovery phase after smoking
Anger is a normal and expected emotional recovery phase. It is also a means to
experience the flow of missing adrenaline, once part of our nicotine high. Sadly,
underlying anger anxieties can be used to intentionally fuel rage. I take no pride
in recalling that I could intentionally became so nasty, and create so much turmoil
among those I loved, that I could convince them that I needed my cigarettes back.
But there are fine distinctions between anger felt during the emotional recovery
stage and using anger as an adrenaline crutch or sick relapse ploy. The anger
phase of recovery is a period of healing where we begin to awaken to the
realization that it may be within our ability to pull this off and succeed. That just
maybe, our last puff, dip or chew, ever, is already behind us.
Durable nicotine use memories flowing from captive dopamine pathways elevated
that next fix to one of life’s top priorities. But emotional recovery has now
transported us from fear of quitting to fear of success. Is it any wonder that anger
would be the mind’s reaction? It is now being struck with the very real prospect
that a high priority relationship has come to an end. Is it at all surprising that
anger can foster resentment at leaving, and envy of those still using?
Knowing the root cause, now all the quitter needs is some excuse, any excuse, to
let it all out, to vent, to turn a molehill into a mountain. Conflicting motivations,
freedom or feed-em, risk of succeeding, fear of the unknown; just one spark, any
spark, and an overwhelmed and exaggerating mind stands primed to lash out.
While this high-energy phase of the emotional stage of goodbye is a normal step in
recovery, the educated quitter both recognizes its arrival and understands anger’s
roots.
Recognition is critical as it provides a protective seed of reason inside a
mind looking for a spark, a loaded mind in which intense exaggeration is poised to
abandon rational thought.
If allowed, that spark will activate the body’s fight or flight response, releasing a
cascade of more than one hundred chemicals and hormones.
But knowledge’s seed of reason knows that breaking nicotine’s grip upon our mind
and life is not a logical reason to fight, lash out, become enraged or flee. It knows
that an exaggerating mind is not an honest mind. It is a mind sick with tunnel
vision, which ignores all positives while focusing only on negative. It knows that
the spark is not the issue.
The issue is emotional recovery.
So how does a mind trained in recognizing and understanding recovery anger
prevent it from harming both us, and the world around us? The next Chapter on
subconscious recovery provides a number of techniques for navigating a crave
episode which may not peak for three minutes. In that anxiety underlies both crave episodes and anger episodes they’ll serve you well. Let me leave you with
one exercise in creating the patience needed to move beyond anger.
Mounting inner recovery frustrations have just encountered a spark. Have
patience, just one micro-second at a time. Recognize the anger building within.
Understand what’s happening and why. Realize that unless being physically
assaulted that only bad can come from unleashing our body’s fighting chemicals.
Anger is almost never a solution. It reflects primitive instincts that are out of
control. It brings strong potential to harm both us and innocent victims, leaving
emotional wounds that may never heal.
If possible, sit down. Slowly close your eyes while taking a deep breath. Focus
all concentration on your favorite color or object, or upon the sensations associated
with inhaling and exhaling that next breath. Feel the cool air entering and its
warmth while slowly exhaling. Baby steps, just one second at a time. Take
another slow deep breath while maintaining total inner focus. Feel the sense of
calm and inner peace as it begins to spread. Slowly open your eyes as you begin to
sense that your body’s fighting chemicals no longer flow. Hopefully it is now safe
to respond to the spark with logic, reason and calm.348
How long will the anger phase last? As long as allowed. Can in-depth
understanding of the emotional journey allow us to skip it altogether? Possibly
but we have no studies.
Clearly knowledge can provide the insights needed to
recognize transitions and hopefully react in healthy, non-destructive ways. It’s
what anger management is all about. Hopefully understanding and acceptance
will help accelerate emotional recovery. But if not, don’t be disturbed as each step
reflects deep and profound emotional healing.
Fears, cycling emotions, an addict’s relapse ploy or feeling a sense of loss,
recovery offers plenty of opportunities to encounter anger. We also need to
remember that normal everyday life can produce anger too, even in never-users.
At times, anger’s causes may overlap and get tangled. But even then, we have it
within us to fully control anger impulses, without harm to innocent bystanders or
us.
Once things calm, where does the mind turn next? What is anger’s solution? Why
not try to cut a deal to keep our cake while having eaten it too? But this isn’t
about cake. It’s about a highly addictive chemical with tremendous impact upon
our physical, subconscious, conscious and emotional well-being.
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